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Hipster Pigeons, Cloisterfuck and Brokencyde

By Staff · July 28th, 2010 · Minimum Gauge

[HOT]

Hipster Pigeons Ruin Concert

Once upon a time, Kings of Leon was this scruffy, scrappy little band all the cool kids loved. Then radio started playing their songs every 10 minutes. Then those cool kids began looking at the band with a disdain usually reserved for Nickelback. Then birds began to rain shit on them. This Behind the Music-in-the-making came to its (so far) final act when, according to reports, the Kings abruptly canceled a concert in St. Louis after playing three songs, blaming everything on the unsanitary conditions created by the pooping pigeons in the rafters. Reports (including one from the KoL drummer’s Twitter feed) say the last straw was when one of the birds showed masterful aim and dropped a deuce directly into the mouth of bassist Jared Followill. The opening acts were also crapped on (not so unusual at an Arena Rock show). When told of the cancellation and the reason for it, the venue’s $10-an-hour janitorial staff collectively sighed, shook their heads and commenced cleaning out all of the turds in the men’s room urinals.

[WARM]

Nuns Music Biz = Cloisterfuck?

Pope Benedict XVI dropped his debut album last year and now some of his sisters-in-God are following in his footsteps.

The Nuns of the Abbaye de Notre-Dame de l’Annonciation recently signed a major-label deal with Decca Records. The French nuns were discovered during the label’s global search for some bad-ass Gregorian Chant singers to record and exploit. The process should be tricky the women never leave their convent and rarely interact with outsiders. The group’s apparent hype-woman, Reverend Mother Abbess, said they prayed to St. Joseph to see if it would be cool and he said, in answered-prayer form, “Go for it.” Great, now he’ll want Executive Producer status and a cut of royalties. When the diva attitude kicks in, we’re sure “St. Joseph” will be insisting on contract renegotiations, tell them to put Auto-Tune on everything and say it’s perfectly fine to ask Snoop Dogg for his dealer’s number.

[COLD]

Punk’d for Assholes

New Mexico-based band Brokencyde makes music in the newly-made-up genre Crunkcore with a sound that mixes dance beats, bad raps and Screamo howls. If just reading that description made a vein in your forehead pop out, you’ll understand they are a band that elicits extreme reactions. But Brokencyde detractors make Insane Clown Posse fans look like the cast of Glee. Just weeks after online rumors that members of the band were killed in a tour bus crash were spread, a faked TMZ news site “reported” that the entire Brokencyde entourage had been arrested on drug, rape and child pornography charges, found them with coke, pot, LSD, a 14-year-old. The band members were understandably furious, mostly with the music sites that ran with the falsified story, causing it to spread faster and wider than Courtney Love’s legs on half-price Vicodin day at the corner pharmacy.

 
 
 
 

 

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