God Hates Music
Just kidding. There’s no such thing as God. But if there were, the people of Detroit should be mighty nervous. After dismantling New Orleans, Mother Nature has now gone after another huge American music town: Nashville. The major flooding the city has suffered through there has resulted in at least 29 deaths and massive property damage, while many musicians, musical landmarks and music-related companies have been gutted.
The Grand Ole Opry (the original site at Ryman Auditorium managed to escape damage), Country Music Hall of Fame and numerous rehearsal and storage facilities were hit hard, resulting in the loss of work space, gear and livelihoods. You can lend a hand. The Hands on Nashville organization has some excellent resources at www.hon.org, and you can donate to the Nashville Red Cross via www.nashvilleredcross.org.
Kanye-Flavored Baby Ambien
Every month or so, Minimum Gauge headquarters receives a package featuring the latest Rockabye Baby! CD.
The discs features twinkling, instrumental Muzak versions of songs by popular artists meant to lull your babies to sleep when bourbon popsicles or late-night infomercials aren’t doing the trick. Some of the artists tributed so far are tailor-made (The Beatles, The Beach Boys) and some make us wonder if the originals aren’t boring enough (Coldplay, Journey, The Eagles).
But our favorites are the ones that scream “Inappropriate!” Which is most of them. Following collections of redone music by Metallica, Tool and Queens of the Stone Age, the Rockabye folks have just issued its first foray into Hip Hop: Lullaby Renditions of Kanye West. While it would seem no more inappropriate than the AC/DC or Nirvana releases, the press and ’Net have gone wild with the news of Kanye for Babies and most of the response is negative. Are parents afraid Kanye will jump out of the speakers, grab mama’s lactating breast and say, “I’m sorry, but Beyoncé has some of the best milkmakers of all time!”?
We say bring on the N.W.A. lullabies next!
The Illustrated Men
As muscular as they are, Henry Rollins and Glenn Danzig are short men. Still, we’re not sure we’d try to pick a fight with either one. If they have jumping skills, those uppercuts would hurt like hell. The people who run Microcosm Publishing might want to “look out below” after their latest comic book release, Henry and Glenn Forever.
The 64-page book tells the story of the Rock icons … as lovers. The comic exposes the faux-couple’s love life, complete with satantic next door neighbors Hall and Oates. The back cover carries this alleged quote from Rollins: “Has Glenn seen this? Trust me, he would not be impressed.” He might not be, but critics have loved it, making room for our dream follow-up, 50 Cent and Larry the Cable Guy Forever.