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Rick Astley Rejected Again, Sting Not Embarrassed, Whitney Stinks Up Australia

By Mike Breen · February 24th, 2010 · Minimum Gauge

[HOT]

Viral Rejection
The wet willy of the Internet, Rickrolling (whereby you send someone a link to a video with an irresistible subject line like “Oh man, you gotta see this!,” the video turns out to be for the cheesy ’80s song “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley (pictured) and hilarity ensues for, oh, about three seconds), has reached the end of … well, something. Seems the original YouTube video used at the prank’s inception has been yanked due to copyright violation. Sadly, there are now only about 75 billion other Rickroll videos available on YouTube and elsewhere online.

What will we, as a nation, do in the face of the slow demise of this Holy Grail of time-wasters? Will we have to use the Blow Monkeys’ videos now? Next thing you know, “2 Girls” will go litigation crazy and claim a trademark on the entire “1 Cup” concept. Then what will we do?!


[WARM]

Sting Like a Bee-Yotch!
The UK’s Gaurdian news outlet has gone after Sting for performing a concert last year in Uzbekistan despite the country’s atrocious human rights and environmental records.

The Dune star reportedly received somewhere between 1 million and 2 million (roughly 70-140 million Indian Rupees) to play at the bequest of the country’s dictator’s daughter at an event to promote what's described as her “stratospherically expensive” jewelry line.

Sting issued a statement that claimed (incorrectly) that UNICEF was somehow involved in the cultural exchange; the British ambassador to Uzbekistan said, “He got paid over 1 million to play an event specifically designed to glorify a barbarous regime. Is the man completely mad?”

Sting said he doesn’t support cultural boycotts because it impedes “the open commerce of ideas and art.” And then he stubbed out his $1 million-bill cigar and played “Roxanne” for a masturbating Kim Jong-Il.


[COLD]

Making Bobby Brown Look Like 'The Sane One' One Concert at a Time
Clive Davis, keep your tux out. Oprah, don’t throw those crack lighters you found in the green room out just yet. You’re going to have another “Whitney Houston Comeback!” to enable in the next couple of years.

The latest tree-branch-in-the-eye in Whitney’s spectacular fall down the mountain of success and fame comes via reports of some trainwreck concerts in Australia where she apparently had a problem. (Get it? Like “Houston, we have a problem,” the astronaut thing? Oh, that never gets old.)

Pop music’s Frances Farmer was called “incoherent,” “woeful” and “dreadful” in press reviews (Australian press apparently is remarkably polite). Our favorite report featured this quote from a disappointed concertgoer: “She couldn't entertain a dead rat” (which would make an excellent greatest hits CD title).

Whitney’s about one crazy Liza-like daughter away from solidifying her status as the 21st century’s Judy Garland (another great Whitney Houston greatest hits album title). Don’t worry, you can just pay me in rock, Whit.

 
 
 
 

 

 
 
 
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