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Lambert, Speedwagon, MacGowan

By Staff · January 13th, 2010 · Minimum Gauge


American Idiots
The awesome Web site The Smoking Gun (www.thesmokinggun.com) recently posted documents featuring some of the complaints to the FCC over American Idol loser Adam Lambert’s allegedly shocking performance on the American Music Awards broadcast late last year, during which he made out with a bandmate (who was a dude!) and simulated oral sex with a dancer (who was also a dude!).

Considering America’s general homophobia (which will one day be looked upon as shamefully as pre-Civil Rights racial hatred), the FCC complaints are hardly surprising, with comments ranging from comical misspellings (“sensor ship”) to general name-calling (“fudge packer,” “douchebag” and the at-least-imaginative “fagatoni”) to hilarious anecdotes, like the Ohio viewer who said they were happy their elderly grandmother had gone to bed before Lambert’s “disgusting” performance, even though they did have to endure Shakira “pushing her twat in (Grandma’s) face.”

The most “disgusting” thing about it all? The complaints make the lousy, plastic karaoke singer seem like the new GG Allin.


Gaming to the Oldies
The terms “REO Speedwagon” and “groundbreaking” aren’t often used in the same sentence (outside of “REO Speedwagon’s Kevin Cronin’s ‘mull-fro’ — half mullet, half afro — was a groundbreakingly awful haircut”), but the ’70s rockers appear to be on to something with their recent promotional game plan.

Last month, business media from Forbes to The New York Times lauded REO’s new video game, REO Speedwagon: Find Your Own Way Home, for its inventive way of trying to engage fans.

The downloadable game lets players help find a gone-missing Cronin, who is jumping up and down going “I’m right here! I haven’t gone anywhere!” (oh wait, that’s real life, not the game). The game also features a reporter from an entertainment TV show who is in on the hunt, which makes it a true “fantasy game,” because there isn’t a TV show on the planet that would cover that story. But it’s a clever marketing scheme, capitalizing (sorta) on the Guitar Hero/Rock Band craze and finding new ways to garner attention and earn a paycheck as outlets like “music television,” radio airplay and CD sales become less and less attainable. Whether anyone outside of die-hard REO fans has even remote interest in an REO Speedwagon videogame is another story entirely, but the reports say the band has made money from it.

Never ones to forgo an opportunity — no matter how crass or stupid (see: going Country) — to keep its rotting corpse of a career alive, Def Leppard is also reportedly working on a new videogame as well as a “cartoon TV show,” which will air on … ah, who are we kidding? A network would be more likely to air public executions in prime time than pick up a Def Leppard cartoon.


The End of a Decayed
We hate it when our favorite musicians do something that rings false or phony — like Iggy Pop doing car insurance commercials, Bob Dylan making a Christmas record or Bruce Springsteen recording a Rap duet with Lil Wayne. Singer Shane MacGowan recently underwent an image change that might leave fans of his band The Pogues completely dismayed.

The man who was once famously booted from The Pogues for drinking too much (which is kind of like getting kicked out of NASCAR for driving too fast) has reportedly had his legendary teeth (ahem) “issues” taken care of. The singer — whose famous grill made a jack-o-lantern’s grin look like Julia Roberts’ Cheshire smile — has been photographed after a “dental health” vacation in Spain with a whole new set of choppers.



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