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Lyrical Assassins, Poletricks, Sleigh Lady

By Staff · August 12th, 2009 · Minimum Gauge


Lyrical Assassins

For anyone who has ever listened to a Hip Hop song and wondered “What the fuck does that mean?” there is now a Web site just for you. “Snacks and Shit” (snacksandshit.com, named after the Jay-Z lyric “No room service just snacks and shit”) points out some of the most ridunkulous lyrics to ever leave an MC’s mouth (along with some hilarious commentary). Some highlights include MC Ren’s “Now, one night I was at the drive-in and a car full of niggas straight drove in” (filed under: “Just saying things that would normally happen”), Kanye West’s “I live by two words, ‘Fuck you, pay me’ ” (filed under: “Most disrespectful way to live”) and Silkk The Shocker’s “I got more hos than the O-Zone” (filed under: “Would be a terrible lawyer”).


Pole Tricks

Chris Rock once said that his most important job as a father was to keep his daughter “off the pole.” So the eyebrows of concerned fathers in the Denver area were probably raised when the city’s “Indie 101.5” FM station abruptly changed its name to “The Pole” and began playing only “stripper hits,” meaning the tunes that make strip clubs wiggle and jiggle, like Mötley Crüe’s “Girls Girls Girls” and songs by Whitesnake, Nelly and Poison.

When we heard the news, we immediately went online to investigate how much it would cost to put a stripper pole in the Mini Gauge offices and pipe the station in via the Internet. Alas, the “format shift” was a publicity stunt. The Pole is gone and the channel is now “The Truth,” featuring mostly conservative talk radio chumps. Have you ever tried to dance to Michael Savage? Oh, and does anyone want to buy a slightly used stripper pole, dirt-cheap?


Sleigh Lady Sleigh

As unlikely as it might seem, Billboard magazine has confirmed that Bob Dylan is set to release his first ever Christmas album. The prospect is bizarre on any number of levels — Dylan was originally Jewish, became a bornagain Christian in the late ’70s and, despite being one of the greatest songwriters of the 20th century, can’t sing a lick. Songs alleged to be on the album include “Here Comes Santa Claus,” “O Little Town of Bethlehem” and “I’ll be Home for Christmas.” Dylan has surprised before (see: that Victoria’s Secret commercial a few years ago), but we’re thinking this one is destined for “novelty Christmas classic,” right alongside Christmas in the Stars: Star Wars Christmas Album and the Gangsta Rap-themed Christmas on Death Row.



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