I think I have a coupon for that. You have no future. Curl up and take it like the man your father wants you to be.
5 for $5.95,
The other day my husband watched a TV show about cheetahs and now he wants to go on an expedition in Africa. I’m very scared that he will get killed over there because he’s such an idiot (he and his friends are always repeating lines from “The King of Queens”). He’s totally going to go on the most-dangerous and least-supervised expedition, and I don’t want him to die because I want to have kids someday and don’t feel like finding a new husband. If he insists on going on this stupid trip would it be wrong of me to get close to his single brother who’s a firefighter? — Worried in West Chester
Who are you married to? An eight-year-old? Does he still sleep in a racecar bed? If he actually wants to go on a safari after watching a television show about cheetahs, let him go. He will probably die and then you won’t have to worry about passing his retard genes along to your offspring. Does your husband’s brother also watch “King of Queens?” If so, stay the fuck away. I don’t care how strong his arms are (fireman have very strong arms), anyone who watches that show has a horrible sense of humor. That show is worthless unless you’re entertained by watching Leah Remini’s weight fluctuate. “Roseanne” is and always will be the only funny “working class” sitcom and that’s a fact. Here’s another fact: your husband sounds like an asshole. Why does he make you live in West Chester? So he’s closer to Round Robin, Ruby Tuesdays and that movie theater with big seats with the arms that lift up between them? I bet he’s fat. Fat and stupid. So to break this down into the simplest terms, let your husband spend all of his money on his expedition. When he dies, collect his life insurance, marry his manly, muscular brother and move to Kenwood. They have better schools. Who knows? You might even get some exposure on local news channels about his tragic and strange death, like that grizzly bear guy. Then you can extort money from unsuspecting rich people for the first ever “Anti-Africa” fund-raising campaign.
Leah Remini looks better thin,
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