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Bling, Vibes and Tantric Piano

By Staff · May 27th, 2009 · Minimum Gauge
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[HOT]

BLING: NOT RECESSION-PROOF

A recent story in the Wall Street Journal examined the hit rappers are taking in our downturned economy. In talking with several jewelers that work with big-time Rap stars, the paper found that many of them have requested cheaper jewelry in the face of the recession. Instead of real diamonds, some have switched to — gasp! — cubic zirconium. The article also cited a new Web site (sellyourgoldteeth.com) that has been doing bang-up biz of late, melting down old gaudy “grillz” for extra cash. Next thing you know, those bottles of Cristal in music videos will be filled with apple juice, dudes will start wearing sneakers that cost under $250 and tattoos will all be drawn on with Sharpies. Honestly, would thriftstore Hip Hop be such a bad thing? Maybe getting away from the materialism of Rap can help the actual music be less one-dimensional.

[WARM]

CLUB VIBES

One would think technology and sex would have been synced up more successfully by now.

We’ve been waiting (and waiting) for those damn sex robots we’ve been promised, for example. Virtual reality sex? Come one, tech dudes! We can put a man on the moon but we can’t have hardcore sex with our significant others when they’re out of town? Anyway, there actually now is a new creation for all the horny, freaky women who go to clubs, but don’t want to have to go to bathroom to masturbate. OhMiBod’s Club Vibe is a vibrator that is strapped on via a sassy black thong. Then, the device vibrates to the music and sounds of the club (if the DJ is jamming some Speedcore, be careful). The Vibe — which can also be hooked up to your MP3 player, for home and gardening purposes, we guess – costs about $50. Now when you go out to boogie and spot a lady writhing in ecstasy, drugs aren’t the only possible cause. We also predict more than a few late-night “driving while twiddling yourself” accidents (“But officer, I was this close!”)

[COLD]

TANTRIC PIANO MASTER OR EXERCISE IN MUSICAL TORTURE?

Eclectic, eccentric Canadian MC/pianist Gonzales — whose music resembles a freakier Beck – has set the new world record for longest solo concert performance. Gonzales made his way into Guinness by playing 300 songs on the piano for an exhausting 27 hours straight. That’s at least a couple of hours longer than your average Phish guitar solo (and probably twice as interesting) and at least a few minutes longer than Sting has Tantric sex. The whole concert will be posted online where absolutely no one will ever listen to the whole thing. But it’s the thought that counts.

 
 
 
 

 

 
 
 
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