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Shaming Kanye, Freaking Out to Metallica and Changing the Buffalo Killers' Name

By Mike Breen · April 15th, 2009 · Minimum Gauge

OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED KANYE!

After eviscerating The Jonas Brothers (well, their Disney overlords, more precisely) earlier this season, the creators of South Park took on the egomaniacal Kanye West in a recent episode … and might have actually caused the Hip Hop superstar to reconsider his arrogant ways. Notorious for throwing hissy fits at awards shows at which he doesn’t win, he went on his Web site to respond to the show, which featured an ego-bloated Kanye confessing to being a “gay fish” (yes, he’s shown making out with and making love to fish to the auto-tuned tune of “Heartless”).

While he certainly got off easier than Tom Cruise and Kathie Lee Gifford (not to mention poor ol’ Chef), West took the barbs to heart. Admitting it was “pretty funny” but that it hurt his feelings, he wrote about working on his ego issues: “I need to just get past myself. Drop the bravado and just make dope product.”

“As long as people think I act like a bitch, this type of shit will happen to me,” he added.

Step one for curing narcissism: Don’t go on the Internet and babble about trying to cure your narcissism.

KILL ’EM ALL (WITH PEE!)

If you go to see Metallica in concert, you might want to consider dressing like you are going to see watermelon-destroying comedian Gallagher. In other words, wear your raincoats!

At a Boston Metallica show at the start of the year, a Massachusetts police officer was arrested on several charges after whipping out his schlong and pissing on the man sitting in front of him (reportedly a member of a family who had traveled from out of state for the show). The cop further rocked out with his cock out, allegedly “lunging” at the peed-upon man’s sister.

He pleaded guilty in a plea deal and won’t get any jail time, though he did lose his job. In related news, R. Kelly just snatched up tickets for Metallica’s entire North American tour.

ANIMAL CORRECTIVE

We love animals (delicious!) so sometimes we love PETA, not just for their useful animal-rights actions but also for their advertisements with naked celebrities. The org is great at getting attention, but sometimes their gimmicks go a little beyond ridiculous.

Their latest attention-grabbing antics involved British Synth Pop duo the Pet Shop Boys. Pet shops are evil to PETA (especially when it comes to their dog food prices), so they reportedly approached the Pet Shop Boys and requested that they change their name to the Rescue Shelter Boys. The Boys politely declined, presumably because they're not totally insane.

Other bands should consider themselves on notice. Cincinnati’s Buffalo Killers (pictured), please now go by “The Buffalo Kissers”; Skinny Puppy, you’re now “Well-Fed Puppy”; Meat Puppets, say hello to your new name, “Neat Puppets”; Arctic Monkeys shall be known as “Safe and Warm Monkeys”; and Danger Mouse, please consider going by “Safety Mouse.” Cat Power, Dr. Dog and Wolfmother, you’re all safe.

 
 
 
 

 

 
 
 
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