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A Midsummer's Nightmare

Jake Speed -

By Jake Speed · August 9th, 2006 · Speedy Delivery
Notes: I don?t know if Castro died last week or not, but if he did, I?m guessing he?ll be on his way to meet Lucifer et al down under. Since I recently finished Dante?s Inferno, I thought I?d try to write my own epic where Fidel Castro guides me through the various stages of Hell. Of course, Hell in this case turns out to look an awful lot like present-day Earth.

A Midsummer?s Nightmare
By: Jake Speed


I woke up in the woods one hot midsummer?s day

I didn?t know where I was or how I came to be misplaced

I blew on my harmonica to try to get some help

When right out from a burning bush stepped a Cuban elf

He wore a military suit, had a beard, smoked a stog?

?My name is Fidel Castro, I?ll show you where to go.?

I didn?t feel like following, the whole thing was kind of weird

But I?m terrible with directions and I was nervous about his beard

I asked, ?Where are we headed?? He said, ?Right through this gate.?

I said, ?It?s hot as Hell in there!? He said, ?Oh man just wait.?

The gate sign read Abandon all hope if through this gate you pass

I asked, ?Is this the White House gate?? He said, ?No, it ain?t that bad.?

Once we stepped inside, the sight was quite a mess

I grabbed on tight to Castro like a Commie in distress

We saw gas-guzzling drivers yell as prices rose higher

Then gladly drive out 30 miles to save money at Meijer

We saw vicious voters beat down the voting booth doors

Voting no to all new taxes, voting yes to go to war

We headed in a bit deeper, the heat made my blood boil

We chanced upon a river, it ran with fiery oil

And swimming in that swill was an evil-looking beast

It was an American bald eagle but it was fueled by the Middle East

I asked Mr.

Castro, ?How will the beast ever let us pass??

?We?ll say ?remember 911,? wave the flag, and cut his tax.?

Once across the river, Hell really broke loose

Even Old Man Fidel Castro couldn?t stand all this abuse

I saw nations craving nukes, I saw nukes craving war

I saw wars craving soldiers, I saw soldiers look unsure

I heard Christians bombing Muslims, I heard Muslims bombing Jews

I heard Abraham scream ?This ain?t what I meant by seek the truth?

We continued through that land of brimstone and smoke

Castro said he?d like to introduce me to some folks

I met one star-studded athlete who doped up and got blamed

I met a 1,000 unnamed athletes that doped up just the same

I met wily politicians who maxed out the minimum wage

I met Wal-Mart CEOs on every corner shout HOORAY!

Finally, we arrived at the end of this hellish place

There was a 3-headed monster waist-deep in a frozen lake

The monster said ?I?m Lucifer,? but up close he looked more like

He had Osama?s eyes, Saddam?s beard, and Kim Jong Il?s pompadour

I turned to Fidel Castro, I said, ?What?s he got in his lips??

He said, ?He?s gnawing on life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.?

I tugged on Castro?s beard, I said, ?Let?s leave this Hell post hast.

I?d rather live in Cuba than in this rotten world of waste.?

Castro shook his head, he said, ?This world we traveled through -

There?s not one bit of difference from the world of me and you

Some see this place as Heaven, some see this place as Hell

Some see this as a place for military show and tell.?

We emerged out of the pit, we returned to the woods

Castro shook my hand, he said, ?We part from here for good?

I waved adios as he ducked back in the pit

Brushed the ash out of my hair and grabbed a walking stick

It was a long way home, but I had promises to keep

I had miles and miles to go before I?d ever get to sleep.



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