BY SIAN BITNER

Learning to love, or even like our bodies, is a daily battle for most women. Though we try to embrace the idea that Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14, we often compare ourselves to the media's idea of an average woman and it looks nothing like we do. That ideal is a fabrication, too. Retouched photos make graphic designers' fantasies look like reality, but they're just not. We put ourselves through a vicious cycle of self-hate, wishing we were anyone but the girl we have to look at in the mirror.

So, with all of this impossible perfection surrounding us, how is a woman to ever feel good about her body?

· Change the things you can, and learn to accept the things you can't. The majority of what leads to our particular shape and size stems from genetics. This doesn't mean that just because your mother or all of your sisters are obese there is nothing you can do to escape it. It does mean that if your family is full of 5-foot-2-inch, thickly built women with short legs, no exercise or diet book in the world is going to make you a 5-foot-10-inch, leggy stick figure.

The greatest thing any woman can do for herself is try to make the best of her own shape. Just never loose sight of the reality of what God gave you to work with.

· Dress like the woman you want to be. Every day I see beautiful women hiding behind baggy sweats and T-shirts twice their size because they just don't feel sexy enough to wear anything else. This is crazy! Every woman has a sexy side to her. You may not have a 24-inch waist to work with, but you might have amazing legs that could take a mini-dress to a whole new level of intoxicating. Finding the right outfit can change your look as well as your outlook.

· You are what you believe you are. No matter what you look like, if you don't believe you're sexy, neither will anyone else. Walk with confidence. Believe that you're a sensual and amazing woman and you'll be seen as nothing less than that.

· Make sex sexier for you. When women don't feel good about themselves, their sex lives are one of the first things to suffer. Do whatever it takes to make the experience sexier for you. Whether it's a candle-lit dinner and a massage or it's as simple as slipping into a beautiful silk nightgown that fits your body just right, take your time and allow yourself to feel sexy.

· Start listening to the good stuff. Why is it that no matter how many compliments we receive in a day, it only seems to be the insults that we remember? No matter who you are, how thin you are, how perky your breasts are or how amazing your haircut is, no one is perfect. Just like anything else in life, if you only surround yourself with the negative, you'll never find yourself happy with anything. So try something new for a change: When someone tells you you're beautiful or comments on how amazing something looks on you, stop, take a deep breath and just say "thank you." There's no need to add comments about how much weight you've gained recently or how the rain has made your hair go flat. Don't put that amazing compliment in the back of your mind just to make room for something negative. Enjoy the moment and know that if you weren't all of the wonderful things that people are saying you are, they wouldn't bother to comment at all.

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