Photo By Joe Lamb

Universal Grille

For years, conservative Cincinnati had a crazy aunt who liked to kick up her heels downtown on Vine Street. Hamburger Mary's was the gayest little burger joint around. When we were here, we were queer, and the rest of you could just get over it. I'm happy to report that Universal Grille, after a name change in 2006 and a menu change in 2007, is still fun, accepting and delicious.

Universal Grille takes itself a little more seriously than Hamburger Mary's did, having lost a lot of the kitsch factor with the new décor. Gone are the vintage pop culture references in favor of a sophisticated pallet of jewel tones and wood. The menu is much less burger-focused, probably in part because they are no longer open for lunch. Now the entrées are called "din-din" (see, they aren't totally serious yet) and the selections are upscale casual without the corporate overtones of a chain.

As we parked our car, two very conservatively dressed, straight-looking couples were getting out of an Oldsmobile nearby, and I guessed that they were headed to Scotti's Italian Restaurant. I was pleasantly surprised when they walked ahead of us into Universal Grille. When we ordered a cocktail to the tune of "Boom, Boom, Boom (Let's go back to my room)" I knew the place still had it going on.

We tried a Tiramisu Martini, made with my new favorite cocktail ingredient, Van Gogh Double Espresso Martini ($8). I tried this for the first time at CityBeat's vodka tasting at Below Zero, and it's fantastic. After the first sip, I was doing a little shoulder shimmy to "SexyBack."

Our Crab Cake ($8.25) appetizer arrived, and luckily there was plenty of salad garnishing the plate because it really was cake, singular, not plural. Yummy, though. I think that Boar's Head remoulade mayonnaise is fast becoming the restaurant kitchen's little helper -- this is not the first time I've seen it drizzled over an appetizer lately. Not that I mind -- it's tasty. But next time, if I'm sharing again, I think I'll go with the Graze + Gossip ($7.50), a platter of fruit, cheese, chips and black bean dip.

I had one eye on the crab and another on the crowd when the cutest quartet of high schoolers arrived. They were all decked out in very original homecoming dance regalia -- the girls in laddered thigh-highs and miniskirts, one of the boys in a purple satin shirt and both in borrowed ties. All the diners murmured approval -- they had picked the perfect venue for their stylish attire!

I kept trying to identify the music, which was familiar but odd. I had to buy myself a Mojito ($7.50) as a prize when I finally determined that it was a Disco version of Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb." I am not making this up.

I took our server's advice on the entrée, even though I'm usually a red meat girl, and tried the Universal Chicken ($16): a half breast, breaded with fine crumbs and spices, pan-fried and served over artichoke hearts, tomatoes and buttery rice -- nothing to weigh you down on the dance floor. Other entrée selections that caught my eye included Mini-Meatloaf ($12) and the new diner delight, Chicken and Waffles ($11.75).

My date stayed on the light side with a Thai Chicken Wrap ($7.50) with crunchy veggies and peanut sauce and a glass of Sauvignon Blanc ($6.50). He was very pleased with his choices, especially the crisp Spicy Fries ($2). There are still lots of burger options on the menu, including The Drag Queen build-your-own burger ($7.25) and old Hamburger Mary favorites like the Bleu Boy ($8.50) and the Aloha ($8.50). The new trios of mini-burgers ($6.50), chicken sandwiches ($6.50) or fish sandwiches ($6) are great for nibbling or sharing.

If you're looking for kitsch, wait for the dessert selections. Fried Twinkies! As much as I love my loyal readers, no way. As wild as I could get was the Zango ($7.95), a slice of cheesecake wrapped in a tortilla, deep fried and topped with raspberry sauce. A real guilty pleasure -- all it needed was "on a stick" and it could have won the county fair.

So what's the verdict? The new look? It's a lot more grown up but a little less distinctive. And I miss the "cinnamon roll as big as your head" at Sunday brunch. But I love the fact that there is still a gay-friendly, people-friendly dining spot that's as good, clean fun as Universal Grille right in the heart of our old-fashioned town. It's as refreshing as double-espresso vodka, and makes me just as happy. ©

Universal Grille
Go: 909 Vine St., Downtown

Call: 513-381-6279

Hours: 5-11 p.m. Monday-Wednesday, 5 p.m.-midnight Thursday-Sunday

Entrée Prices: $11.75-$18

Payment: All major credit cards

Red Meat Alternatives: Plenty

Accessibility: Fully accessible

Grade: B+