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| Photo By Joe Lamb |
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Boi Na Braza
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At a valet parking station across from Fountain Square, a personable young attendant asks where we're headed. We tell him Boi Na Braza. "Pace yourselves!" he advises knowingly. (Note: Excellent advice; in fact, a better tip than I gave in return.)
Set in a large, airy space in Carew Tower, this high-end churrascaria (Brazilian-style temple of all-you-can-eat char-grilled meat) is lavishly appointed in dark wood with gilded trim, wrought iron and painted stone, white tablecloths and gleaming silverware. (Note: There's no need to pocket a souvenir knife or fork; they're sold at the hostess station.) Fires crackle in several hearths even though it's the middle of July.
We sit and our waiter approaches in his rakish gaucho regalia: Into pointy leather boots (botas de potro) are tucked baggy black pants (bombachas) cinched at the waist by a wide decorative belt (rastra), dangling from which is a holster that contains his ... crumber. (Actual gauchos do not carry crumbers on the Pampas.)
Through his charmingly inflected English, we learn that he's from Brazil. Soft-spoken but intense, he's taken with my wife's revelation that she's been to So Paulo twice in the past few months. (Note: My slightly doughy masculinity is vaguely threatened by how directly he stares into her eyes as they talk.)
To my relief, he at last explains how the dining process works. We are each given a card. Whenever the green side is turned up, the passadors (meat servers) will stop at our table with any of 15 cuts of grilled beef, lamb, pork, chicken or sausage, which they carry on long skewers. Using a dangerous-looking cuchillo (a machete-sized knife), they will slice as much meat as we like, and we will use tiny tongs to move the meat onto our own plates. When we have enough (or choose to take a breather), we simply turn our cards over to red -- and the servers won't bother us. (Note: Pace yourselves!)
From the center of the room, a large buffet beckons, laden with all the extras needed to complete a meal. Of course, there are traditional salad "fixins," but there's so much more: smoked salmon and hearts of palm; firm spears of bright green asparagus and lightly dressed green beans; tender stuffed artichoke hearts and a Brazilian Salad that we're told includes chopped romaine, hearts of palm, sliced onion and "potato chips"; sinfully large chunks of delicious Parmigiano-Reggiano and paper-thin slices of prosciutto; sweet roasted red and yellow peppers; and wonderfully marinated white (not "shitake," as the label indicates) mushrooms. A vegetarian could easily make a meal from many of these varied and delicious options. (Note: If you choose to forgo the parade of meats, you can eat from the buffet for $19.50. Otherwise, it's $44.50 per person, not including dessert.)
We order an $8 caipirinha (a refreshingly sweet/tart Brazilian cocktail made with limes and cachaça) and a bottle of the delicious 2004 Terrazas Malbec Reserva ($40) from Argentina. We load our plates with hot selections from the buffet -- creamy mashed potatoes, velvety sautéed shiitake mushrooms, crunchy broccoli in white sauce, black beans and yellow rice -- and turn our cards to green.
The flow is constant but never overwhelming. Not surprisingly, we enjoy some selections more than others. Rump Roast with Garlic (Picanha com Alho) and meaty Beef Ribs (Costela) are standouts, absolutely packed with flavor. Lamb Chops (Carree de Cordeiro), while a bit overcooked, are juicy and retain a touch of wild gaminess, which I love. The Filet Mignon Wrapped in Bacon, on the other hand, is rosy and buttery but tastes mainly of bacon. In the end, though, dry and cardboard-y Pork Sausages (Salsichao) are the only true letdown. (Note: Brazilians could learn a thing or two from the Germans about pork sausages.)
Finally, we surrender. We turn our cards to red and allow the table to be swept clean. (Our waiter wields his crumber with masterful precision.) A dessert trolley is wheeled tableside, loaded with selections like delicious Key Lime Pie ($5.95) and Strawberry Cheesecake that do not seem particularly Brazilian, and a few that do: Flan and a Papaya Cream ($7.50) topped with cassis that tastes like the best tropical fruit-flavored soft-serve ice cream ever.
The manager personally delivers our check and asks how everything was. We report, honestly, that our meal was excellent and ask if we can tour the kitchen and see the "glowing charcoal embers" over which the meats are slow-roasted. He graciously agrees, and I lumber after him, feeling uncomfortably full and wanting to loosen my belt a notch (or two).
But then I see our black-clad waiter, looking like Mikhail Baryshnikov playing the bad guy in a Brazilian remake of an old Western. I suck in my gut and resolve to get to the gym. (Note from wife: That would be nice.) ©
Boi Na Braza
Go: 441 Vine St., Downtown
Call: 513-421-7111
Hours: Lunch: 11 a.m.2 p.m. Monday-Friday; dinner: 510 p.m. Monday-Saturday and 4-9:30 p.m. Sunday
Prices: Expensive
Payment: All major credit cards
Red Meat Alternatives: Salad bar options are varied and plentiful
Accessibility: Fully accessible
Grade: A
