Photo By slim Jim Puvee

If a twentysomething rapist fell in love with his teenaged victim, romanced her and eventually married her, most people would feel outrage.

No, it's not another teacher/student thing happening; it's fiction. The rape/romance "love story" kept a generation of girls mesmerized in the '80s as the plot line behind the relationship between Luke and Laura on General Hospital.

"He meets her, he rapes her, they get married. They took something that started with sexual assault and romanticized it," says Julia Piercey, vice president for education and training for Planned Parenthood of Southwest Ohio. "They put it up on this huge pedestal. It's glamorized when it's terribly unhealthy."

At a recent training session on teen-adult relationships, Piercey discussed the normalization of inappropriate sexual behavior and unhealthy relationships and the mixed messages about what's appropriate, creating a "blurry line between fantasy and reality."

An older man married to a woman young enough to be his granddaughter -- a trophy wife -- has garnered nods of approval, even envy. Then there's fortysomething Demi Moore and her twentysomething boyfriend having a baby. Beyond tabloid headlines, consider debutante balls, where young girls are escorted by young men five to 15 years their senior.

'Treated different'
In 1993 a study revealed that nearly 70 percent of teen births were caused by adult men. That "raised a lot of eyebrows" and prompted Planned Parenthood to develop a training program to help caregivers identify and address the issues of teen-adult relationships, according to Piercey. The result is "Looking for Love: Exploring Teen-Adult Relationships," a workshop for social workers, teachers and others who work with teens at risk of getting involved in unhealthy relationships.

"To understand an unhealthy relationship, you have to understand what makes a healthy relationship," Piercey says. "What (teens) don't know can lead to illegal activity."

Some kids learn the hard way, as Piercey discovered when she produced the video that's part of the curriculum. Five girls talk about relationships they had with men when they were 12 to 15 years old. The men, who were anywhere from five to 14 years older, filled a variety of needs that induced the girls to stay, even when they were being physically or sexually abused.

"He practically spoiled me, he got me anything I wanted" said Nicole. "When I was upset, he comforted me."

Love and affection were the first reason given for the initial attraction but the girls in the video also frequently cited the admiration of peers, new clothes, a place to live, a car and the fact that "he can take care of me." Piercey reminded everyone that, while some of the reasons sounded shallow, those were reasonable expectations for a young girl's cognitive skills, social skills and life experience.

Noting that boys experience the same peer pressures, Piercey went on to explain that just because a child looks older doesn't mean she's mature.

"Early maturation can be the worst fate in the world," she said. "She knows she's different, her peers know she's different and she's treated different. The first person who pays attention to her may be much older. Any recognition that's given is seen as positive."

The adult who provides that recognition -- male or female -- gets a lot out of the age disparity. Studies show that a feeling of power, the opportunity for sex without responsibility, being "the first" and feeling good about themselves are the reasons some adults pursue relationships with teens.

This makes for a manipulative and coercive dynamic that leaves the young person with depression, lower self-esteem and involvement with drugs and alcohol. Other consequences frequently include poor school performance, sexually transmitted diseases, unintended pregnancy and sexual assault.

Even if a girl -- or boy -- finally decides to try to get out of the relationship with an adult, or if others intervene in an attempt to persuade them to leave, it's very hard, especially with teen mothers.

"Once you get into that relationship, depending on the bonds that are formed, it can be extremely difficult to get out," Piercey says. "We expect so much of these young people. How many (adults) hold onto relationships even though we know they're not good for us? How many of us eat too much? Drink too much? It doesn't happen over night. It's a process."

Against the law
That process can be countered by understanding where a kid is coming from and helping her "deconstruct" the costs and benefits of the relationship. Making the conversation as non-threatening as possible is essential, because she is probably being emotionally manipulated and feeling scared, whether it's about losing her home or what she thinks is love.

"I felt so low about myself, I began to believe what he said about me," Emily said during her videotaped interview. "My boyfriend would introduce me as his bitch, his ho. I was afraid to leave because I was afraid I'd be on my own."

An added hurdle is that, in some cultures, a young girl with an older man is not only acceptable but also desirable. For families living in poverty, everyone might benefit from the money and gifts an older man can offer. As a result, these relationships are encouraged.

State law makes it clear that, if some lines are crossed, regardless of family approval, the consequences can include prison time. Sexual activity is usually what lands the adults in jail. The Ohio Revised Code includes two pages of explanation about what constitutes sexual offenses. Sexual misconduct is legally determined by the ages of the people involved, intoxication, use of force, a position of authority over another and importuning, or soliciting sex from someone who finds the request offensive.

Even though the most well publicized cases of teen-adult relationships are heterosexual, Piercey says this dynamic occurs among all sexual orientations. Everyone is bombarded with the same messages about the desirability of being with an older or younger person.

"It might be every young girl's fantasy or any young man's, but that doesn't make it healthy or right," Piercey said.