Because of all the Bible thumping from conservative people now controlling our country and our cities, I'm going to have to change some names and places in this story. I don't want to get friends in trouble like Mike, who's now back working again. I'm glad. He's a smart guy, a hard worker and the company he's with has found an employee who won't ever miss a day.

He'd been unemployed for six months. The company he was with moved out of the city. While Mike went on a bunch of interviews and had two job offers, he could never get past the drug test.

He likes his weed. I don't think he would argue that at all. But what I couldn't understand is why he just wouldn't stop smoking it for a while -- at least until he got a job.

He didn't. Instead, he tried those "kits" that are supposed to get the drugs out of your system and tried drinking incredible amounts of water. Neither worked. He said drinking all the water was the worst. When they asked him to pee in a cup, he ended up filling six.

But the third time's the charm, and Mike fooled his potential employer. He told me he had to pee in a cup again -- but this time, after he did it, he took an extra step.

"I added a little tap water to the urine," he said.

"What?"

"They had me do it in the bathroom, and afterwards I just added a little water to it."

Either the company that hired him is bullshitting him about the drug test or he's found a surefire way to sock it to the man. In any case, I'm just happy he's getting on with his life.

And I'm glad he conned them. Drug testing is an invasion of privacy in my book. I can understand how an employer wouldn't want a heroine addict or a crack head working for them, but something tells me that's gonna be easy to spot in an interview. And you're not going to hire someone because they smoke marijuana? Please.

Some years back, I worked for a pharmaceutical company here in town and I guess it only made sense they did drug testing. After all, we manufactured a lot of pain medication, so I'll give the suits a break on this one.

The guy who administrated the program was a jerk. He was clearly an alcoholic, but of course that was OK. It was just fine to drink himself into oblivion every night as long as he never took a drag off a joint.

He would show up for work either a bit drunk or hung over. There was always a glimmer of delight in his eyes when a drug test came back positive and that employee had to be fired -- no second chance, no counseling, they were out. He loved getting rid of "drug addicts" who were "hurting" the company.

I had a great employee working for me, and I'm going to call her Terry. She was excellent at what she did, gave 110 percent to the company and was respected by everyone. I knew she smoked pot, and when her name came up to get tested I got nervous.

She had only a day to prepare for it. Despite the fact that this happened more than a decade ago, I still remember the conversation I had with her and how I wanted to reschedule the drug test.

"I'll be fine," Terry said.

"Call in sick," I said. "I'll say you can do it the following week."

"Don't worry about it. I've been through it before."

The next morning she came in late because of the drug test. She was as sick as a dog. Turns out the night before she drank a quart of vinegar. The thought of that makes me want to vomit right now, but her drug test came back negative and I had my outstanding employee for another two years.

Drug testing a decade ago was very much a reality, but it's nothing like it is today. You want to bag groceries at Kroger? You need a drug test. Want to stock shelves at Walgreen's? Not until your test comes back negative. And it goes on and on.

Sometimes I wonder, with our country becoming more and more conservative -- based on last fall's "values" presidential election -- where it's all going to end. Mark my words: In the next few years, if you want to rent an apartment, you'll have to pass a drug test. Want to reserve a table at a fancy restaurant? Not until you pee in that cup.

Simply put, with Bible-thumpers running the show, morality knows no limits.