Hootie

HOT
Hootie, King of Burgers

Yup, that's Hootie in those annoying, faux-surrealistic commercials Burger King has been running lately. The Hootie and the Blowfish singer (whose real name is Darius Rucker, but we know he hates being called "Hootie," so we'll stick with that) apparently decided to beat the "Where Are They Now?" specials to the punch and pops up as a strolling, minstrel-show-like cowboy in the ads. Do you think when the horrendous Blowfish were in their heyday, he ever thought he'd one day be singing the line "Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch"? Just like Debbie "Deborah" Gibson posing for Playboy to show the Britneys of today where they'll be in 15 years, Hootie's commercial is the "Ghost of Christmas Future" for modern day Blowfishes like Maroon 5 and 3 Doors Down. Hey, it's either that, or they'll actually be working at a Burger King. Which has a little more dignity, now that we think about it.

WARM
Not Coming to a CityBeat Cover Soon ...

The notoriously arrogant Rap star Kanye West reportedly told The New York Daily News that he plans to start charging magazines that want to put him on their covers. West says that his appearance on the front of a rag drives up newsstand and subscription sales. The paper did a survey of editors from around the country about the "pay-for-pics" deal, and none were too keen on it (one editor was quoted as saying the rapper is "insane"). But there might be one magazine willing to give in to West's demands. Several Hip Hop Web sites are reporting that Playgirl magazine approached West about appearing on their cover ... if he agrees to pose nude.

Moby Sez: "Ahh, You Do It"

Tech head Moby has introduced a new music format with the release of his latest single, "Lift Me Up." The track was released in a new, interactive format called "di," which allows listeners to do their own remixes of a song using extra original material supplied by the artist. To further the home-version-of-the-game feel, might we suggest a component that allows you to sell your new mix to any company, commercial, movie or TV show that asks?

COLD
Ticket to Ride the Lightning ... Revoked!

A mash-up tribute band called Beatallica were served with a cease-and-desist letter from the folks at Sony music, who seem to have as much of a sense of humor as Sean Penn. The group performs Beatles songs in the style of Metallica; Sony (who own Beatles song rights) says that schtick has caused them "substantial and irreparable injury" (according to a site posting at beatallica.com). In an effort to turn the Sony heat down, an online petition has been posted at petitiononline.com that accurately states that Beatallica is a parody, "which is legal in American law."

Holy Ghosts and Jail Bait

Two Metal guitar players have made the news recently, going in decidedly different directions. Korn guitarist "Head" (aka Brian Welch) announced he is leaving the band because he has found God. Welch said being around the band's debauchery was crushing his soul. It might be too late for Static-X guitarist Tripp Eisen. Reports say Eisen was arrested for having sex with minors. The 39-year-old Eisen allegedly had sexual relations with a 14-year-old New Jersey girl he met online. He also reportedly faces charges for another incident in California.