I didn't want to like Valentino. It's been a while since I've written a sarcastic, scathing review, and with all my pent-up political rage, the tax check due and weather so crummy it made my pansies wither, a Jeff Ruby restaurant with neon plastic palm trees out front would have made a reasonable target for my angst.

Damn, the place was really good.

Time and again, I find that there's no better place for beef than at one of Ruby's restaurants. Whether it's a corned beef sandwich at Tropicana or a New York Strip at The Precinct, the man knows his meat. But there's more than meat at Valentino, I'm pleasantly surprised to report.

The lights are all flattering pink tones at Valentino and, while the décor is flamboyant, the booths are comfortable and the round tables in the center of the room are quite elegant. There were only 15 reservations on the rainy night of our midweek visit, so I imagined beautiful people in ball gowns and tuxedos filling up the empty seats with glamour and grace, their clever banter rising above the Italian music. Nice.

We started our evening with a martini served the classic way from a stainless steel shaker. Ruby's staff is very professional, as always, and did a fine job with all the technical aspects of good service. There were two instances when the waiter tried to be funny and just fell flat, but I'll let that go.

More amusing were the things that weren't meant to be funny, like "What type of water would you like tonight?" Based on stories in the news about sewers flooding the streets in Newport, we chose Pellegrino ($5 large, $2.50 small), but I think tap water was one of the choices!

Two types of bread were served in a metal basket, along with a fascinating butter presentation. The square slice was made up of two triangles: sweet butter on one side and an herb and truffle butter on the other. The truffle butter was fabulous. It was almost a vegetarian fois gras, very distinctive. I tried it on the French bread, which they insisted was "Eppy bread." Whatever. The focaccia was so rich it didn't need butter at all.

My date decided on a Pan Seared Crab Cake ($8.50), and I ordered the Madonna Salad ($6) to start. The crab cake was over an inch thick, perched atop a blissful sauce of Asti Spumante and cream. If there were a crab dessert, this would be it: a light, fluffy texture that could have floated above the plate.

The salad was slightly less successful. It was visually perfect, a neat stack of yellow and red tomato layered with fresh mozzarella and basil, topped with a dollop of cream and a teaspoon of deep green pesto. These were winter tomatoes, and to boost their puny flavor I would have served the dish at room temperature instead of chilled.

I would never have noticed the Cacciucco Alla Toscanini ($21.50) under the Frutti di Mare section of the menu, but our server suggested I try this fish stew for my main course. It was fantastic. This is genuine Tuscan peasant cuisine elevated to chic status by a lovely presentation. The bowl was heaped high with soft scallops, giant tender shrimp and sweet mussels and clams in their shells, all atop firm whitefish in a stock rich with saffron, tomato and chopped herbs. I adored it. The seafood was top-quality. The menu called it a "symphony," and I have to agree -- there wasn't a bad note.

My date chose the Filetto Al Chianti ($28.75), a fist-sized filet mignon with a red wine and porcini mushroom sauce and, of course, it was breathtaking. I've known people who swear that a steak is a steak is a steak -- but Jeff Ruby's steaks are solid proof that that's not true.

This was as tender as a baby's kiss. The menu includes a sirloin, a porterhouse and two takes on the filet, all the same price. I'm sure any one of them would make a marvelous meal.

We nibbled on a side of Roasted Golden Yukon Potatoes ($3) with garlic and fresh rosemary that were quite good but nothing you couldn't make at home. More important was the dessert. We shared a Strawberry Crème Brulée ($6) that was a simple and refreshing end to a lovely meal.

We had a guided tour of the other rooms of the "Coconut Grove complex" before we left. The place is huge: There are several private dining rooms, a sexy bar and a large ballroom on the first floor, as well as a huge room downstairs that seats 1,000, all decorated in a "Tony Soprano does South Beach" style that's completely engaging and over-the-top.

Go. It's irresistible. ©

Valentino at Coconut Grove
Go: 18 E. Fifth St., Newport

Call: 859-491-8000

Hours: 5-11 p.m.Monday-Wednesday, 5 p.m.-2 a.m. Thursday-Saturday, closed Sunday

Prices: Expensive

Payment: Visa, MasterCard, American Express

Red Meat Alternatives: Eggplant Parmiagana, Fettuccine Alfredo, Portobello Napoleon and Bucatini Amatriciana, plus many seafood choices and veggie sides

Accessibility: Valet parking available; not all the restrooms are fully accessible

Grade: A-