REVIEW BY KATIE GILLIGAN

The online version of the Britannica Concise Encyclopedia says that velocity (aka "the average speed") is a ratio of "the distance traveled in any given time interval divided by the time taken."

In Dave Eggers' novel, You Shall Know Our Velocity!, the equation for velocity becomes a ratio of the inane divided by the time spent thinking. This is because, like all truly good novels, You Shall Know Our Velocity! is half babble and half genius.

The babble is from Will and Hand, two protagonists who could aptly be renamed Bill and Ted except that they've read Max Planck and have their own version of quantum physics. Their adventure, however, is excellently ADD as they travel randomly across the globe giving away nearly $32,000.

Beginning in Chicago, en route to Greenland, a detour to Senegal, then to Morocco, Estonia, Latvia and finally Mexico, the two literally jump across the globe making destination decisions solely based on the nearest international departure. Following close behind their global gallivanting is the plaguing memory of a close friend, a beating that has left Will more-than-noticeably scarred, and Will and Hand's constant efforts to smell fresh despite having packed only two T-shirts.

The genius presumably comes from Eggers' mind, and the distribution of $32,000 to the unassuming people of Europe, Africa and North America. Obviously this begs the question, "Why?" You Shall Know Our Velocity! is a cliffhanger with no series renewal, a pick-your-own-adventure book that runs out of options. There is no definite answer. But there are lots of questions.

Is this perhaps Eggers' fictional manifesto on American-led globalization, the tendency to throw money at the world's problems? Even the characters comment on their unlikely actions: "It's ridiculous that we still would go on such a trip, thinking it justifiable that if we gave back along the way, all would be somehow rectified."

Or is it better to give the money in person, to ask for directions and leave an $800 tip (a popular method of Will and Hand's) rather than send a check in the mail and hope that the charitable organization uses the money wisely?

Seems serious? It could be, if the self-deprecating hilarity of the protagonists didn't insert itself. Will, the voice of the novel (except for about a 50-page interruption penned by Hand to "correct" all of Will's errors), readily admits, "I wanted the voices silenced and I wanted less of my head generally." Hand, clothed throughout the entire novel in shiny athletic pants, possesses what Will deems as "plain raw animal stupidity."

Somewhere in between the insanity of plot, the absurdity of characters, the potential insinuations and the less-than-subtle allusions is the syntax of Dave Eggers. Complimenting the sentence structure of the novel does not negate the presence of the more popularly noted skills, such as talented description or witty language. But Eggers' style is unique and merits recognition. It's a violent stream-of-consciousness that is still graceful and elegant, moving from thought to thought with seeming randomness yet concluding with impact. His novel deserves reading for its textual forte alone.

In the first three or so pages, among those that everyone generally skips in their rush to begin the actual text, are two important details. The first is a small paragraph, Eggers's literary biography. It concludes with the notation that this, You Shall Know Our Velocity!, is Eggers's first novel. His previous notable work, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, he considers a book. Secondly, on the title page, is a parenthetical note that the novel was "previously retitled as Sacrament."

As usual, these prompt more questions, with no definitive answers. One can infer, however, that Eggers' terminology prompts change. His example of a novel builds on past literary tradition but sets a precedent for contemporary writers. The randomness and impulse of the characters, their action and its questionable impetus; they are like sacraments, are processes through which readers must pass. One exits on the other side changed, but questioning why.

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