Cruising through the health food store today I was struck by the competitive, feel-good marketing designed to tug at our warmer, fuzzier core and assuage our guilt at the cash register, knowing that two ounces of tea leaves was "grown in harmony with nature in the world's first organic gardens of Sri Lanka" were worth the $5.99 we just handed over. We can sleep the sleep of the just when we purchase a certain organic coffee "roasted in vintage German roasters," because "the farmers who grow this coffee receive a fair price -- improving the quality of their lives and this coffee."
My day is brighter knowing:
"Two percent of our profits are donated to organizations that protect the rain forest."
"This product does not in any way diminish the earth's topsoil."
"In every deliberation, we must consider the impact of our decisions on the next seven generations."
But as I said, competition for consumer dollars in the health food industry is lively. Wood-stock boomers have parlayed their peace-and-love experience into shrewd, heart-of-gold pitches. Before long we'll be hearing:
"We provide free day care and cell phones to all of our employees."
"This product is sold only in countries whose fuel emission standards meet EPA guidelines."
"All of our ingredients are grown in soil that has been nurtured for a minimum of five years by a village of lactating women in the fertile Amazon Valley."
"The betel nut and babassu oils used in this product have been gathered through sustainable environmental practices by barefoot native peoples wearing gloves made from yak belly."
"One percent of our profit goes to support Rodent Retreat, the largest safe-house for laboratory animals in the world."
"Our employees come to work only when it's convenient for them."
"This totally fat-free, PABA-free, dye-free product is distributed only to those companies who support equality in the workplace, gender-neutral language and clothing-optional Fridays."
"This product endorsed by Sting, who gave it as a Christmas gift in 1987."
"One percent of our profit goes toward lobbying the federal government to convert the golf courses belonging to the overweight, alcohol-dependant, power elite to low-income housing."
"Our totally 100-percent recycled packaging can be a nutritious component of an all-fiber diet, thus giving the consumer an important role in lowering the infant mortality rate of Ecuador."
"We welcome all indigents to come live with us in our factory made of biodegradable, post-consumer waste." ©
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