Tipping the Tables
Being a pastry chef has its unique pressures at holiday meals. Everyone assumes I will provide dessert, even if we are dining out. There is no way I can slip in the purchased Frisch's pumpkin pie: My family expects no less than several lavish selections à la Martha Stewart. Over the years of considerable holiday baking for my large family, I've experienced many disasters resulting in several tips I'd like to pass along to maximize your dessert success this season.
1. No need for a fancy timer. When the smoke alarm sounds, the pies are done.
2. Never leave two large dogs and six warm pies in the same room unattended, no matter how high the counter is.
3. The quaint picture of pies cooling on an outdoor windowsill is for the storybooks. Birds have no discretion when it comes to their toilet habits.
4. Do not drink an entire bottle of wine while making pumpkin pies. It's possible to mistake cayenne pepper for nutmeg.
5. Do not -- in a rebellious effort to convince your family you possess other culinary skills -- bring a quiche instead, no matter how exotic. You will be banished to the children's table, in a separate room. Perhaps even next door. (By the way, the argument that quiche is pie does not work.)
6. Forget about trying to impress others with long-winded dessert names -- "Pumpkin Creme Brulée in a Gingersnap Crumb Shell with Apple Cider Cream and Pomegranate Coulis." Your unimpressed grandmother will yell , "What the hell is that? Just pass me the bottle of Jagermeister!"
7. Don't bring desserts with one-word names -- as in S'Mores -- unless you're seeking popularity with the children. Who you will be sharing a table with. Again.
Happy Thanksgiving!
CONTACT DONNA COVRETT: letters@citybeat.com
