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Photo By Rebecca Lomax
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Brad Quinn (left) and bug
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One of the new attractions at King's Island this summer is The Wild Thornberrys TM Rainforest Insect Adventure. It's an event sure to please the smaller set, as Eliza Thornberry from the popular Nickelodeon television program "Wild Thornberrys TM " guides kids on a tour of giant animatronic insects.
Animatronics, for those unfamiliar with the term, is the process by which creatures of various sorts are given lifelike movements through the use of pneumatic devices such as air pumps, air rotaries, air cylinders and electronics.
Given recent technological innovations, adults might expect a lot from these giant robotic jungle creatures, but really their movements are fairly limited: A giant Blue Morpho butterfly flaps its wings, a Venus Flytrap opens and closes and a 7-foot praying mantis slowly lunges forward. It's not that much more impressive than the talking Abe Lincoln they've had at Disneyland for the past 40 years.
The most lively creatures are probably the leaf-cutter ants with their game of tug-of-war -- though when I first approached one of the giant ants, slightly obscured as it was by trees, I was tricked for a moment by its rapid humping motion into thinking that I had entered the romantic part of the rainforest adventure. Gladly, I was mistaken; though I would later get more than my share of romance while watching a teen-age couple make out in line to ride The Outer Limits.
I tried asking a few youngsters about their favorite insects, but they mostly ignored me. Maybe they were afraid of violating the "Don't talk to strangers rule." Even when I tried to bribe them with candy they wouldn't talk, and the feeling I had was not unlike the one you get when you approach a dog and it starts barking and growling at you like you're some sort of hell-spawn. Apparently kids have similar evil sensors, as they intuitively recognized in me the bounced checks, the smoking, the alcoholism, the petty larceny and the votes for Bill Clinton. I could have walked into the park wearing a Huckleberry Hound suit, and they probably would have avoided me just the same.
You might not think that a giant animatronic insect display could be controversial. But then again, this is Cincinnati. While hanging out in the interactive area, where kids can hear amplified sounds from the insect world and answer bug trivia, I overheard a woman take issue with one of the talking display's claims that bugs were 300 million years old.
"That's wrong isn't it?" she sweetly demanded from a small group of kids. "It should say that bugs have been around since Jesus made them." Here was a bit of theology that even the most fervent creationist would take exception to. Besides, everyone knows that the pesky insects are the handiwork of Satan. Jesus is only responsible for those insects like butterflies, lightning bugs and roly-polys that are cute and fun to play with. I wasn't going to make an issue out of it though. It's every parent's right to fill his or her child's head with bogus information. How else are you going to fight off the corrupting influence of those evil Darwinists at Kings Island?
If nothing else, the Rainforest Insect Adventure offers an alternative to those terrifying roller coasters, like the new Son of Beast. You don't have to be strapped down to look at giant insects. In fact, you get to stand on the sturdy concrete the entire time. Not being too big on danger, simulated or otherwise, I had to walk around for an hour before I found a ride I would even consider trying. Unfortunately, most of the rides I liked had a height limit instead of a height minimum. And I'm still not sure that my civil rights weren't violated when I was turned away (three times) from the Pixie and Dixie Swing Set ride.
After spending a few hours at Kings Island, I began to warm to the Wild Thornberrys TM : no lines, no rides, just kids, giant insects and the occasional fundamentalist. It's peaceful, really. And educational. Did you know that dung is one of the dietary staples of the Goliath Beetle?
